Saturday, October 15, 2011

HIDEY-HO


"I'll be back! I ALWAYS come back!" Chucky in Bride of Chucky

The Reader is loath to compound two disparate films into one allusion. It seems almost a kind of mixed metaphor. But this time it can't be helped. Insofar as both A Christmas Story and the many avatars of Child's Play are cult classics, it's apropos, we think, in this case.

In the September MHT Newsletter, the rector announced he was expecting the return of Scut the Prefect to the pesthouse. Now it wasn't so long ago that he bid our un-merry martinet adieu as the latter was heading off for a two-man monastery in France. But it looks like he'll soon be baaaaaack.

What happened? Why no explanation? Was the place too outré even for the sorry likes of punishment-happy Scut?

Apparently the rector wants Scut a.k.a. "Chucky the Chip-Off-the old Rector's Block-Head" to play and get the new seminarians in line. Leaving those poor man-children alone in peace is simply not in order. They'll need some rough humiliation with loads of punishment if they're ever to be fit to serve as obedient orderlies on the mop brigade. When Scut-Chucky gets his visa, those newbies will wish they were back home with mama. Just imagine: the crumbling halls of MHT will once again echo with high-pitched insults, squealing degradation, and falsetto screaming accusations of mortal! mortal! sin.

We're certain that "Chucky the Chip" will get "Squirmin' Herman" up to speed in dishing out unjust discipline. Only the Chuckster can wipe that goofy smile off that grinning, empty face! Oh, the time for a reckoning is hard upon those little babes who thought they had a chance in the swampland!

How long before the little ones will wish it was only make-believe?

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