Saturday, July 26, 2014


Unpinned even by rudimentary notions of time and space, dreams float or flash by, leaving in their wake trails of unease, hopes, fears and anxieties. Brook

As Yahoo almost daily reports another of Bergoglio's madcap efforts to remake the Vatican Establishment into something the Novus Ordo itself doesn't recognize, the sede cult kingpins renew their unrealistic hopes of an emergent, cult-plagued empire. Most importantly, these uneasy pipe dreamers envision their corporate, out-of-state bank accounts swelling with the grateful contributions of the disenchanted, conservative Novus Ordites who, they vainly fancy, will flock to their discredited cult centers. According to these lucre-addicts' hallucinations, the fresh meat will revive both their emptying chapels as well as their dashed hopes of influence. The crowds of refugees, these hucksters calculate, will more than recompense them for their ongoing losses. Once more (they dream) the 7:00 a.m. Sunday Mass will be standing room only, and the weekly collection will skyrocket past pre-2009 highs. No longer will they have to pad the statistics.

While we certainly agree that conservative Catholics are growing dismayed at Bergie's ungodly pronouncements, we have seven reasons why we don't believe that these latter-day pilgrims will set out for Tradistan's wasteland once they finally see the light.

First, the leavers will be mainly thinking, educated Catholics, not the addled "I'll-stick-with-the-Holy-Father-come-hell-or-high-water" types. (How similar to the trad troglodytes who cling to Dannie and Donnie despite the evidence!) That means these prospects will do the research before they leap to any group promising the true Catholic faith. It won't take them very long to find all the negative stories on the web about the cult's infamous clerics and their reprehensible antics over the years, especially the 2009 SGG School Scandal and Cheeseball Tony Baloney's blood-curdling, vengeful "opinion" about forsaken, tortured Terri Schiavo, who surely met a martyr's death.*

Second, they're used to accountability. As corrupt as the Novus Ordo is, there do exist institutional mechanisms and processes for the redress of lay grievances against clerical injustice and over-reach. Moreover, the abuse scandals of recent years have radicalized the N.O. laity, so, from the start, they'll be wary of arrogant sede clergy who are obviously out of their depth. These good people are used to speaking truth to power, so they won't remain silent in the face of bad behavior and B.S. from ineffectual ne'er-do-wells elbowing their way to an easy life. When they see how "One Hand" and Big Don run everything like a whip-crackin'  ante-bellum Mississippi plantation, they'll stay away or they'll leave at once, if they'd been so stupid as to ignore all the ominous warnings on the 'Net.

Third, those souls who do wander in out of curiosity, or through bad luck, will soon detect all the characteristics of a religious cult. The outlandish, ego-centric, self-referential sermons and communications. The Una-cum scam. The sede spielers' preoccupation with making money in the form of "alms" and bailouts. The requirement to socialize only with members of the cult, to sever family ties, and to alter personal goals. The expectation and constant exhortation to devote large amounts of time to the cult's activities, including policing the cult leader's garden and supplying food for cult's possibly invalid hirelings. The vigorous discouragement of questions about finances and the cult leaders' practices. The emphasis on the cult leader's personality and the demand for unquestioning commitment to his ever-shifting aims. The cult masters' unceasing attempts to induce feelings of shame and guilt in order to control the membership. The polarizing "us-versus-them" mentality.  The manic drive to attract new members. The luxury spa vacations and fancy trips abroad, cynically disguised as "pilgrimages" and "apostolates."

Fourth, any N.O. exiles are sure to steer clear once they read a few issues of Li'l Dan's twee "Bishop's (?) Corner" with his morbidly obsessive, ghoulish, weekly accounts of the clergy's marauding pet hell-cats' bloody offerings of  shredded baby-bunny carcasses. They'll see it for what it is: sick! sick! SICK!

Fifth, many, if not most, of the newcomers will come from upper-middle-class parishes where their fellow Catholics shared the same social values, upwardly mobile aspirations, and good genes as they. The minute they spy the mousie, greasy-haired, rheumy-eyed Trad womenfolk wrapped like rickets-riddled mummies in floor-length skirts sewn from faded curtains shoplifted from the local Goodwill thrift store, they'll turn in mortal fear and run. In fact, they'll exit so quickly they won't notice either the females' slobbering mates hunched over beside them in a formless, quivering heap or their undernourished, sallow-faced, flinching spawn. Furthermore, since many of these new arrivals will possess advanced degrees themselves, they'll recoil at the sede clergy's notoriously impoverished formation. (Remember that many N.O. priests and bishops possess real academic credentials, having earned their bachelor's, master's, and/or doctoral degree from recognized colleges and universities, not the Flushing Rat's intellectual leprosarium or some vague "independent study.")

Sixth, the cult money-grubbers don't have the sense to realize that potential N.O. recruits aren't the least bit interested in the question of the invalidity of Novus-Ordite holy orders. They'll have left the conciliar Church because of Bergoglio's hostility to the basic tenets of the faith, not because they believe their former priests and bishops were invalidly ordained. Accordingly, when the cult masters start preaching their unprovable, rent-seeking hypothesis -- and that's all it is, until the Restoration settles all such questions -- these folks will step back in disgust. Some will leave even faster once they learn the story of Dannie's orders: No one wants to risk leaving the N.O. only to find his family assisting at sacrilegious Masses.

Seventh, these searchers are products of contemporary, casual, mid-American culture, so when they come face to face with the cult's quickfire, paranoiac dress codes coupled with the fearful cult masters' disturbing fetish with women's clothing and footwear, they'll rebel, especially when women and young girls are blamed as the cause for randy Trad menfolk's lubricious fantasies.  Moreover, in an age when first professionals dine at upscale restaurants in smart polos and sporty cavalry twills, they'll laugh at the cult's lunatic insistence on dress shirts, ties, and jackets. And you really can't blame them.  Last Sunday, Dannie railed against the casual dress and "slovenly attire" of Traddie visitors to his cult center, betraying the fact that other (mentally stable) Trads unattached to his cult reject all such sinister, mind-control efforts. The Novus Ordo may have deprived these folks of the ancient faith but not of common sense. To see the other side's point of view, we've got a little test for you.  Who better honors our Lord in "His house" and on "His day" (as Wee Dan might say):  (1)  an immaculately barbered gentleman outfitted in a professionally starched, open-necked tattersall shirt with spotless, crisply pressed khakis and well-cared-for, country bluchers; or (2) an unkempt, ill-shod, cultling zombie lout stuffed into a wrinkled, dingy-white shirt with a food-stained tie under a moth-eaten sweater-vest that fails to cover an unsightly, flaccid gut pillowing over stained work pants so tight-in-the-seat as to threaten an ill-timed (and, indeed, unwelcome) mooning?

It's time the anxious cult's hawkers wake up and end their impossible dream. The beneficiaries of any mass exodus from the N.O. will be the SSPX, the FSSP, and those traditional priests with sense enough to reject the moribund sede business model. The only Novus-Ordite seekers to join the cult chapels will be spasm-shattered misfits, who, in short order, will wreak so much mischief that the cult barkers'll wish they'd folded their circus tents to head for a subdued retirement in the desert Southwest.

* When the neophytes read what an authentically trained and humane  priest,  Fr. Juan Carlos Iscara of the SSPX, has to say on the matter in general, they'll avoid the cult and idiot Checkie like the plague. See for yourself here.

Saturday, July 19, 2014


Last week's post was to have been the last in this summer's Travelers' Tribunal series. However, as a number of e-mail correspondents protested, the case was a real "downer." For the trip back home, our followers demanded something on the lighter side. We had to agree. All four cases were pretty disgusting, when you think about it, with the fourth's being so positively repugnant that many travelers had to stop early to find a motel and get a hot shower.

O.K., then, lighten up and put on a happy face :-) This week's bonus case comes from a sermon one of Tradistan's smirking simpletons delivered to the stunned faithful one Sunday. (For safety's sake, while you're reading, the driver might want to pull off to the side of the road in case he or she bursts into convulsive laughter at such stupidity.)
A smarmy priest preaches how he and a pretentious clerical pal were traveling in an expensive European country. He smilingly told the wary faithful that the two of them decided to vacation there because they had heard that priests in Catholic countries dined and lodged free of charge (!)  The churlish twosome checked into a posh hotel, lived large, and ate high on the hog throughout their stay. As the lamebrain priest tells it, the boorish duo was highly impressed with the attentive service, as staff catered to their slightest whim. (These two clowns must have considered themselves as princelings of the Church. Can't you almost hear the self-congratulations these cronies exchanged?) Then, as the tinhorns went to check out of the hotel, they were stunned when management graciously presented the grasping pair of stooges with a HUGE BILL.
Once you recover from your laughing fit, consider first that their chapel probably ended up paying for all this excess luxury motivated by greed and ignorance. Next consider the social origin and mental capacity of clergy who would be so fatuously naïve as to believe that a swank hôtelier would suffer two painfully backward American clerics to lodge in the lap of luxury and gorge themselves on fine continental dining for free. Ask yourselves whether such thinking is mainly moronic or largely larcenous. Finally, ask -- and answer -- why on earth would anyone tell such a story on himself and his sidekick, especially to a congregation that contained some cosmopolitan, well-traveled professionals! Although the anecdote impressed a few of the usual head-twitching, low-brow Tradistan rabble (who were, by the way, foaming with indignation that a foreign innkeeper would dare to charge their cult leaders for fancy grub and deluxe digs), the educated in the audience were alternately amused and aghast at the simple-minded effrontery of this sleazy Mutt-and-Jeff act. (This story has, in years since, proved to be great entertainment at the cocktail parties and dinner outings of the educated Catholic laity. Our question is: Should these vacuous bosom-buddies catch a break for serving as the butt of dozens of cutting jokes at their expense, or do they deserve the maximum punishment for their rapacious intentions?)


Saturday, July 12, 2014


Today's game, the last in the series, is for adults only, perhaps a couple of touring empty-nesters out with an opinionated, Novus-Ordo sister-in-law along for the ride, but certainly NO RUG-RATS ALLOWED! Our case consists largely of direct quotations from bylined newspaper articles printed in the "Detroit News (DN)" and "The Macomb Daily (MD)." (Click here to review the rules of play.)

So, ladies and gentlemen, start your engines, whip out your barf bags -- you'll need 'em today -- and begin reading case # 4:
A woman sues a sede priest "claiming he forced her to have sexual relations while counseling her and that she became pregnant. DN" In her claim, she says the priest "used deception, religious duress and intimidation to force her to engage in sex about a month after she sought his help...According to the suit, [the woman] said the assaults started a month after she began seeing [the priest] for religious and psychological counseling...Her problems stemmed from being sexually abused as a child, family problems and suicidal tendencies. MD" She also claims the priest "forced her to resume the affair...after she became pregnant and had an abortion. DN" The woman "said she became emotionally depressed after she became pregnant and [the priest] 'was relieved when the fetus was aborted...'DN" One newspaper account reports, "The suit was filed two years after [the priest] was released from prison to a halfway house after serving 17 months for involuntary manslaughter. MD"  (The "manslaughter charge [stemmed] from the traffic death of a 6-year-old girl...DN" The sede priest "was speeding ... when he lost control of his car, veered up an embankment and struck and killed [the] 6-year-old...who was with her mother waiting outside their disabled car for a tow truck. MD" Another newspaper article reveals that the priest "has received 10 speeding tickets [during the previous five years], including one violation for driving 105 mph in a 55-mph zone...according to the Secretary of State's Office records. His driver's license is currently under three suspensions for failing to pay speeding fines...and he has 10 points on his driving record, records show. MD" ) The suit is "settled out of court" about three years after the relationship began "for $90,000 DN," which the priest's sponsoring  sede "parish" pays. About a year and a half  after the settlement, a newspaper account notes that the woman "is battling to collect a $100,000 settlement an ex-clergyman agreed to pay her after she accused him in a lawsuit of getting her pregnant... However, [the priest]who court records indicate denied forcing the woman into a sexual relationship, has not paid the $100,000 agreed to in a mediation settlement DN," which took place after the "parish" settled. The woman's attorney "said [the priest] never intended to pay, choosing instead to declare bankruptcy and leave the state. DN"
Consider that after the lawsuit, this sacrilegious deadbeat dropped out of sight and the woman's lawyer had to hire private investigators to try in vain to find him.  Consider that he later reappeared in New England at an independent chapel. After he was outed, a board member explained, according to the "Roslindale-West Roxbury Transcript on," that "during the hiring, he and the board consulted with priests from around the country who recommended [the scumbag]." Consider also that this man is still acting as a priest-in-good-standing in Sedelandia. He flies way under the radar, but has been reported to have attended a recent priests' retreat out West, and a number of years ago was notably photographed with a group of well known sede clergy at a priestly jubilee in sunny California. You may also determine whether all his future travel money should be sent to the woman. Remember: unlike the unjust real world, there's no statute of limitations or bankruptcy protection in the Travelers' Tribunal.


Saturday, July 5, 2014


Last week's game really rocked, didn't it? One e-mail correspondent asked if amputation was an option, but that very effective remedy belongs to another dispensation, we fear. This week's game is a little different from the first and second. If you brought grandma along on the road trip, let her do the reading ... but be warned: She may want to stop immediately to call her lawyer and change her will. (Click here to review the rules of play.)

Gas up, put the pedal to the metal, and away we go with case #3, which we assembled from numerous documents, a newspaper account, and oral reports from fans:
A deceased member of a chapel under the malign care of a dishonorable sede gang had conditionally bequeathed to the chapel an estate valued at the time between $60,000 - $85,000 to erect a shrine to the Infant Jesus of Prague and, if some money remained, to establish another shrine to the Blessed Virgin Mary. If the remaining funds were insufficient to erect the second shrine, the terms of the will permitted the pastor or the laymen in charge to use the residue of the corpus as they saw fit.  Breaking with their usual practice of letting the chapel coordinator handle all bills and accounts, the insolent priests transfer the money to their account at an out-of-state bank. The laity wait six months for a sign that the shrine(s) will be built, and then lose faith in these conniving priests. The lay coordinator, a founding member of the chapel and a successful business owner, raises questions about the handling of the money. For his meritorious fidelity to the pious last wishes of the testatrix, one of the scumbag priests bans the gentleman from chapel property and forbids his attendance at chapel affairs. (The weirdo priest accuses him of fomenting "dissension, intrigue, murmuring and the like.") When the now-former coordinator appears at an evening meeting of the chapel, the police are called to escort him from the premises. A majority of the chapel invites the slime-bucket priests to leave. There is the inevitable lawsuit. The lay people prevail and get the money and their property back. Later they turn the chapel over to the diocese as an indult-Mass center. Today an impressive, newly built parish-church operated by the FSSP occupies the original site. The chapel is thriving, and boasts a new Berghaus pipe organ.
First, consider that these savage priests must have been raised by wolves. Second, consider their impiety. Also, take into account that had these greedy clerics complied with the will in the first place, the chapel might still be independent of the Novus Ordo. You may not forego punishment on the grounds that they were deprived of the bequest and the property by the adverse decision in the lawsuit and thus have suffered enough. You must exact punishment for their (1) contempt for common decency and the reverent wishes of a devout Catholic and (2) the loss of souls.*

* One day, the full story of this shameful incident needs to be told in full. The clerical shenanigans will make any decent person's blood boil. The laity were successful here because this chapel was lucky enough to have a large number of professional people (including former armed-services officers) who knew the difference between right and wrong, and who weren't intimidated by bottom-feeding priests. Also, one of the decedent's brothers got involved and put his foot down when he sensed these scheming priests were up to no good.  But Travelers' Tribunals don't need to know this in order to vote guilty and hand down justly harsh punishment.