There is not a fiercer hell than the failure in a great object. Keats
Last week, "The Bishop's (?) Corner" virtually proclaimed $GG's "Fat $unday" an unqualified triumph of party-planning. You remember "Fat $unday," don't you? That's a rollicking Quinquagesima blast where potbellied gluttons gorge on dense, flat, burned griddle cakes drowning under a viscous deluge of high-fructose syrup and trans-fatty-acid-rich margarine, all the while anticipating postprandial BINGO. (See our post from February 25 here.)
Take a look at "One Hand's" button-poppingly-proud review of his sordid fête:
I pray for many good fruits, strong friendships and spiritual encouragement to come from last week’s wonderful Social Sunday. Wow! What a success! A great combination of hunger and free food and convenience really packed ’em in, as never before. Brilliant idea! I regret I could not be with you, but as pastor I am so gratified and grateful to all who gave and worked, and to those who took some time to stay and participate. Many thanks! Let’s do it again?...
As usual, "One Hand Dan's" musings require the Readers' deeper analysis to puzzle out the message. And like all things Dannie, there's as much to learn from what he didn't say as from what he did. Laying aside the question of whether his claim of stunning "success" is true or not — by his own admission, he wasn't present to witness the eating orgy — let's consider the absence of comment on the "Lenten Supper" of "beans, ravioli, and mac and cheese" earlier promoted for Friday, March 3.
Well, we are, in a way, doing the same thing, these Fridays of Lent. Great suppers are on offer. Free! Emboldened by the pancakes, perhaps you would like to check it out? Come to Mass and stay for supper, or come for something to eat and fortify yourself for Stations.
Believe it or not, PL can understand how Gerties might've tarried for some over-flipped "emboldening panncakes" following one of the (possibly simulated) $unday Masses. After all, the rite trash were already loitering at the cult dump. So, then, why not grab the rug-rats violently by their jug ears and trudge over to the grimy social hall to hang on a freebie feedbag before hitchhiking back to a roach-infested hovel?
Actually Dannie's Fat $unday eat-a-thon was a civic blessing in disguise: With the free chow, Ma didn't have to rustle up some grub for the starving kee-yuds when they all got home. She could then join Pa in a few shop-lifted beers, thereby postponing the usual bloody fight over his chugging a whole six-pack without sharing. Thus "$ocial $unday" kept any number of 10-16's from crackling over the nosey neighbors' police scanners.
That's a "success" in our book!
But Friday, March 3, is an altogether different matter. Missing was the "convenience." To sink their toothless, diseased gums into the colon-clogging repast, the Gerties would've first had to ride over to the dirty $GG industrial park. That would've entailed herding crumb-crushers already spazzin' out on a violent "sugar high" into a hot-wired pickup before swinging by the local honky-tonk to roll Pa onto the rusting flatbed.
"Wow!" Not likely.
Accordingly, based on the "combination" of that insight and Dannie's silence about the March 3 turnout, the Readers conjecture the Friday feed was as unsuccessful as Ash Wednesday, which, as Dirtbag Dan confessed, had been a BUST (explaining why he's almost begging them to "come for something to eat" on Fridays):
Ash Wednesday was sparse, as it was the previous two years, due perhaps to bad weather.$GG had scheduled THREE Ash-Wednesday Masses to round up the cult zombies: 7:00 A.M. (a "Special Workers' Mass, no sermon!"), 11:20 A.M., and 5:45 P.M. In all, the cult masters distributed ashes at FIVE different times throughout the day. Yet still attendance was "sparse." Forget Weatherman Dan's lame meteorological excuse. If you don't get your ashes when there're opportunities galore, you're not going to show up for Friday "$tations," not even for "free food" smothered with runny layers of low-fiber process cheese.
These folks really don't want to be there. There's no motive to "check it out." They're not about to answer Dannie's prayers for "wonderful," wallet-emptying generosity. If Gerties who've been able to ditch the repo man went anywhere that Friday night, they probably made a beeline for one of the nearby Novus-Ordo parish fish-fries, where the food is appetizing, and normal-looking table mates sport clean fingernails.*
Let's cut to the chase, shall we? Don't you think His Egocentricity would've loudly tooted his own horn about a good turnout if there'd been a crowd that Friday? Epecially after he admitted the Ash-Wednesday fiasco. Even supposing he drafted his "Bishop's (?) Corner" on Thursday, there was still plenty of time to insert a line or two before Saturday evening's publication. Furthermore, if Friday, March 3 been "a success" worthy of an exclamation point, then why did Dannie go to such lengths to assure Gerties the "Great suppers...on offer" — "Free!" — on "Fridays of Lent" are the "same thing" as his "brilliant idea" of Fat $unday?
At PL we haven't been bitten by the gambling bug, but if we had to place a bet, we'd wager that the first of Dannie's "Friday Nights in Lent" was an embarrassing flop. But, then, how could it have resulted otherwise without B-I-N-G-O?
At least the coagulated globs of sticky, starchy leftovers must've gone into the "traveling Fathers'" fridge, where the scavenging field mice could feast to their little vermin-hearts' content.
* The cultlings in SW Ohio are blessed with a fabulous seasonal fish-fry scene. As Wee Dan might say, "check it out" here. The one at nearby All Saints on Montgomery Road looks pretty tasty to us Lenten-fish-fry enthusiasts:"Fried Cod, Grilled Salmon, Grilled Tilapia, Fish Tacos, Cheese Pizza, French Fries, Baked Potatoes, Sweet Potato Fries, Cole Slaw, Tossed Salad, Applesauce, Assorted Desserts." From now on, Gerties, just say no to that $GG heart-attack-on-a-paper-plate hog slop and sit down to scrumptious traditional Lenten fare at an area church near you. You and your gastrointestinal tract will be glad you traded up, even if it isn't "Free!"